Disclaimer
This message does not reflect the thoughts or opinions of
either myself, my company, my friends, or my cat; don't quote me
on that; don't quote me on anything; all rights reserved; you may
distribute this message freely but you may not make a profit from
it; terms are subject to change without notice; illustrations are
slightly enlarged to show detail; any resemblance to actual
persons, living or dead, is unintentional and purely coincidental;
do not remove this disclaimer under penalty of law; hand wash
only, tumble dry on low heat; do not bend, fold, mutilate, or
spindle; your mileage may vary; no substitutions allowed; for a
limited time only; this message is void where prohibited, taxed,
or otherwise restricted; caveat emptor; message is provided
"as is" without any warranties; reader assumes full
responsibility; an equal opportunity message; no shoes, no shirt,
no message; quantities are limited while supplies last; if any
defects are discovered, do not attempt to read them yourself, but
return to an authorized service center; read at your own risk;
parental advisory - explicit lyrics; text may contain explicit
materials some readers may find objectionable, parental guidance
is advised; keep away from sunlight; keep away from pets and
small children; limit one-per-family please; no money down; no
purchase necessary; you need not be present to win; some assembly
required; batteries not included; instructions are included;
action figures sold separately; no preservatives added; slippery
when wet; safety goggles may be required during use; sealed for
your protection, do not read if safety seal is broken; call
before you dig; not liable for damages arising from use or misuse;
for external use only; if rash, irritation, redness, or swelling
develops, discontinue reading; read only with proper ventilation;
avoid extreme temperatures and store in a cool dry place; keep
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inhaling fumes; do not puncture, incinerate, or store above 120
degrees Fahrenheit; do not place near a flammable or magnetic
source; smoking this message could be hazardous to your health;
the best safeguard, second only to abstinence, is the use of a
condom; no salt, MSG, artificial color or flavoring added; if
ingested, do not induce vomiting, and if symptoms persist,
consult a physician; message are ribbed for your pleasure;
possible penalties for early withdrawal; offer valid only at
participating sites; slightly higher west of the Rockies; allow
four to six weeks for delivery; must be 18 to read; disclaimer
does not cover misuse, accident, lightning, flood, tornado,
tsunami, volcanic eruption, earthquake, hurricanes and other Acts
of God, neglect, damage from improper reading, incorrect line
voltage, improper or unauthorized reading, broken antenna or
marred cabinet, missing or altered serial numbers,
electromagnetic radiation from nuclear blasts, sonic boom
vibrations, customer adjustments that are not covered in this
list, and incidents owing to an airplane crash, ship sinking or
taking on water, motor vehicle crashing, dropping the item,
falling rocks, leaky roof, broken glass, mud slides, forest fire,
or projectile (which can include, but not be limited to, arrows,
bullets, shot, BB's, shrapnel, lasers, napalm, torpedoes, or
emissions of X-rays, Alpha, Beta and Gamma rays, knives, stones,
etc.); other restrictions may apply.