The Flatulence Dictionary
For those of you who are unfamiliar with the meaning of the word "fart" (a extremely unlikely scenario), the common dictionary defines it as "an expulsion of intestinal gas - usually considered vulgar; a foolish or contemptible person - usually considered vulgar."
As I delved into this hot-air issue further, I realized that it would be most appropriate to invent a few more words which incorporate one of the English language's more colorful words, "fart". Hence I have developed my own glossary of "fart-flavored" words which I hope will be used to enliven any painfully dull, circuitous or laborious conversation.
Here they are:
Discomfart (n.)
the feeling one gets when trying to hold in a particularly high pressure emission.
Fart (n.)
acronym for a flabby, anal-retentive Tory
Fartabulous (adj.)
descriptive of anal intercourse
Fart Accompli (n.)
a silent observer of a fart perpetrator in a confined space
Fartalism (n.)
the feeling of inevitability one gets when one can hold it in no longer
Fartality (n.)
the victim of fart attack
Fartastic (adj.)
descriptive of a particularly creative fart
Fartasy (n.)
a whimsical fart
Fartative (adj.)
descriptive of the awkward behavior of a fart perpetrator who's been fingered in the act
Fartaway (n.)
the unmuffled strategic release of fetid air at an inopportune time
Fart Bag (n.)
a humor-challenged pay equity coordinator
Fartberg (n.)
the home of the biggest political fart around
Fartbourg (n.)
an obnoxious name-dropping fart
Fart-buster (n.)
the magic ingredient in GAS-X flatulence relief
Fart-champetre (n.)
Franco-Manitoban Winter Flatulence Festival featuring lots of home-baked beans in maple syrup
Fart-cock (n.)
a pompous fart
Fart de Mieux (n.)
a Quebec Separatist fart
Farter (n.)
the perpetrator of a fart
Farter's Feast (n.)
unfermented complex carbohydrates (e.g. sugar and beans) consumed by party animals causing the uncontrollable emission of foul wind
Fart-flop (n.)
a half-hearted muffled fart
Fart-forward (n.)
the act of speed farting in the hope that no one will really hear
Fartgate (n.)
an undercover fart intelligence operation
Fartidious (n.)
descriptive of a meticulously clean fart
Farting Machine (n.)
a bovine or swampy thing that emits methane gas
Fartissimo (n.)
an explosive passage of putrid gas
Fartible (adj.)
a predisposition to passing wind
Farticability (adj.)
the ability to fart on cue
Farticulation (n.)
the nauseating drone of an academic windbag
Fartified (adv.)
descriptive of the behaviour of a passive-aggressive fart
Fartigue (n.)
descriptive of, or pertaining to a wus
Fart-in-law (n.)
pejorative expression meaning an unpleasant relative by marriage
Fart-knot (n.)
a constipated, uptight, chronically-challenged fart
Fartless (n.)
the goal of the 12-step recovery program for flatus perpetrators
Fartly (adv.)
the swagger of an X-large fart
Fartling (n.)
an undetected or surreptitious fart
Fart Magnum (n.)
an old fart with a penile implant
Fart Mail (n.)
X-rated virus messages that appear on your computer screen when you least expect it
Fart Majeure (n.)
a toxic-level fart
Fart McMurray (n.)
an uncouth, ragged and oily smelling fart
Fart-minded (adj.)
a socially-conscious and politically-correct fart
Fart Naturae (n.)
anyone who keeps hogs as pets
Fartnoid (n.)
a computer consultant with severe gastro-intestinal problems
Fart Offender (n.)
an unrepentant discharger of waste gas
Fartogast (n.)
anyone who releases ill-wind without permission of his co-workers
Fartography (n.)
a social science devoted to studying the quaint habits of human farters
Fartologist (n.)
a turgid scientific fart
Fartometer (n.)
a measuring device that records the frequency of farts; 8-10 waste gas emissions per day is considered normal for human farters
Fart Pas (n.)
any social blunder committed by a chronologically-gifted fart
Fart Positive (n.)
any one who is wrongly diagnosed as having a flatulent condition
Fart-proofing (v.)
using heavy perfume or aftershave lotion to neutralize a particularly excessive flatus condition
Fartricate (v.)
strategically release putrid gas designed to temporarily nauseate victims
Fartright (n.)
the exclusive birthright of royal farts to break wind whenever confronted by the media or politicians
Fart's Day (n.)
the third Saturday in August, a celebration in honor of farts of all ages and persuasions
Fartsinger (n.)
an unmuffled or melodious fart
Fart's Solution (n.)
the option of doing nothing with the fond hope that "it" will go away without your help
Fart Star (n.)
a passive-aggressive behaviour such as pouting, whining, or well-timed sarcasm frequently used by executive farts
Fart Start (n.)
the uncomfortable feeling in one's rectum just before the discharge of waste gas
Fart-time (n.)
what employees do when the boss goes out of town
Fartuitous (adj.)
descriptive of the lucky fart who wins the jackpot lottery
Fartunate (adj.)
a descriptive of premeditated farting condition that frequently occurs during a particularly boring meeting or lecture allowing participants to take an early break
Fart-witted (n.)
descriptive of a good-natured grunt with a high IQ
Farty-niner (n.)
a boisterous, hot dog and beer guzzling, over-the-hill football fan
Frankfart (n.)
the German birthplace of the sausage induced fart
Misfartune (n.)
the bad luck that occurs when a soft gentle fart turns out to be something more substantial
Pianofarte (n.)
a fart that starts quietly and ends in an explosive crescendo
Roquefart (n.)
a silent emission with an effluvia reminiscent of rotting cheese