College Vocabulary
ABSENT: (n) The notation generally following your name in a
class record.
ADMISSIONS OFFICE: (n) Where they take you to get you to admit
you've mooned the keynote speaker during "new student
weekend."
ANATOMY: (n) One of those classes that sounds vaguely risque
until you find out what it REALLY involves.
BIOLOGY: (n) A class located suspiciously near the cafeteria.
BOOK: (n) A depository of knowledge which a student will try
to stay awake long enough to read the night before finals.
BOOK BAG: (n) A large container in which students store candy
bars, gum, combs, little slips of paper with phone numbers on
them, yo-yos, sunglasses, student I.D.s, loose change, magazines,
& (occasionally) books.
CAFETERIA: (n) from Latin "cafe" ("place to
eat") and "teria" ("to wretch").
CAFFEINE: (n) One of the four basic food groups.
CALL: (v) What you can't do because your stupid roommate has
to go over every stupid detail of every stupid day with their
stupid hometown sweetheart.
COACH: (n) A teacher who rewards successful
"students" with a new Corvette.
CUM LAUDE: (v) How students in southern universities call dogs
named "Laude."
D-MINUS: (n) A pretty good grade.
DORM: (n) Student residence located only a few convenient
miles from 8 a.m. classes.
DORM ROOM: (n) A small closet-like area inhabited by a pair of
incompatible people.
EDUCATION BUDGET: (n) Money you allocate each month for movies
and magazines.
EGGHEAD: 1) (n) A brainy student who studies all the time and
gets straight A's. 2) (n) That same student once you've dropped
eggs on him from the roof of the science lab.
EXTRA CREDIT: (n) What you wish you had on your credit card.
F: (n) A grade that can usually be altered to look like a
"B" on a test paper.
JUNIOR VARSITY: (n) The team that everybody supports, but
nobody goes to watch.
KAPPA: (n) What members of sororities or fraternities wear on
their headas.
KITCHENETTE: (n) A small, thin person working in the cafeteria
kitchen.
KLUTZ: (n) What you discover your lab partner is when you ask
him to slowly pour the sulfuric acid into the beaker you're
holding.
LAB: (n) A room full of icky, funny-looking creatures and the
dead frogs they dissect.
LETTERMEN: (n) Scholarship athletes who proudly wear letter
sweaters proclaiming the vowel or consonant they have mastered.
LIBERAL ARTS: (n) See: "Would you like fries with
that?"
LOUNGE: (n) Any area in a dorm, union or classroom building
where the only furniture that isn't soiled, ripped or scarred is
immediately stolen.
MAJOR: (n) Area of study that no longer interests you.
MIDNIGHT OIL: (n) What you make popcorn in.
MISERY: (n) The sinking feeling you get when introduced to the
person your roomie fixed you up with because "the two of you
are so much alike."
NICKNAME: (n) Generally, your own name with the suffix
"ster" attached in a forced awkward attempt at
familiarity. E.g. "Bobster," "Hankster" or
"Georgester."
NO: (n) The response that guys who will spend most of their
time in the gym lifting weights might put on a true/false test.
NUDE MODELS: (n) The reason for your sudden interest in art.
OFF-CAMPUS PARKING: (n) Ample extra parking usually found in
an adjoining county.
OTHELLO: (n) Unless you're an English major, who really
cares??
OUT: (n) Where your roommate always is when one of the 35
clubs she belongs to calls with a very important message.
PAPER: (n) Your version of Cliff Notes.
POSTER: (n) An inexpensive way to decorate a dorm room while
making people think you've been to foreign lands and done things
you never have.
PRE-LAW: (n) The major of a person who will end up in sales.
VICE SQUAD: (n) A group of uniformed officers who seem to be
under the impression that they were invited to your dorm party.
VENDING MACHINE : (n) A coin operated device for dispensing
breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
VICTOR: (n) Your football team's weekly opponent.
VICTORY: (n) A rarity; a three syllable word that cheerleaders
CAN spell.
WEEKEND : (n) Two day period during which your growling
stomach makes you really wish you'd signed up for a seven day
meal plan.
WHIZ KID: (n) Your college nickname. But not for the reason
people think.
WINDELLAS: (n) Name of the circus family you can run away and
join when your parents find out how much you put on their charge
card.
WINTER: (n) When the air conditioning in your dorm finally
kicks in.
WORK-STUDY: (n) Two things not done by a majority of students.
WRISTWATCH: (n) That device on your arm that lets you know
which class you're currently late for.
X-RAY: (n) A medical technique that will display cafeteria
meatballs up to ten years after they're eaten.
XYLEM: (n) We're not going to tell you this. You should know
this. You took Biology, didn't you? (Were you asleep that day or
what?)
YALE: 1) (n) A well known ivy league university. 2) (v) What
southern cheerleaders do.
YEARBOOK: (n) A book containing student pictures that will
keep getting nerdier as the years go by.
YESTERDAY: (n) When the 12 page paper you started tonight was
due.
YIELD SIGN: (n) Dormitory wall decoration you
"purchased" around 3 in the morning with the help of
two buddies and a hammer.
ZEPPELIN: 1) (n) A large blimp. 2) (n) Still the best band for
playing air guitar in one's underwear.
ZERO: (n) The number of times you've gotten to eat most of the
pizza you ordered.
ZOO: (n) What dorms would look like if they were a little
neater.
ZOOLOGY: (n) The study of animal life (See: "Frat boys at
Homecoming").