Things To DO In A Geology Exam When You Are Failing Anyway
  1. For a adament atheist/NON-Christian historical geology prof start every essay question with a sentence like, "This goes against my fundamentalist Christian background because we all know the Earth is really only 6000 yrs old so this really didn't happen, but I'll answer it anyways..."
  2. Bring a pick and chisel to the exam and hammer away at any sample of rock in the room. If there are no samples, hammer on the chalk-board and calmly explain to the professor the you MUST do this in order to understand slate...
  3. Bring a quartz crystal and pretend it's your pet. Ask the x-al exam questions and every now and then loudly exclaim, "YES! I think you're right!!!"
  4. Use flint to try to set your exam on fire. If there is no flint in the room, bring your own.
  5. Loudly exclaim after each question, "WOW! THAT'S NEAT!"
  6. Pretend to discover gold on a sample in the room that has pyrite on it. Run out of the room screaming loudly that you've found gold and how rich you're going to be so you don't have to take this (colorful adjective) test. Then come back into the room and say, "HA! I fooled ALL of you!"
  7. Sing "Plaster Caster" by Kiss as you pulverize a chunk of gypsum.
  8. Yell loudly, "Oppressed geology undergrads of the world - CRYSTALIZE!"
  9. Bring a Brunton Compass and inform everyone around you that this ISN'T the orientation the room was in the last time you were there. Then tell them that it is a vicious plot of the geology department to use techtonic forces to move all to rooms on campus so that everyone will sucumb to their devious plans to rule the Earth...etc...etc...
  10. Bring a stuffed animal that looks really bizarre. Mid-way through the exam, walk up to the front like you're in show-n-tell and tell the class in a cute 5 year old voice about your buddy, "Isogyer."
  11. Bring a soft black rock (carbonates, coal, ...etc...etc...) and write the entire exam with it.
  12. Lay on the floor while doing the exam. When the professor asks what the heck are you doing, just tell the prof that you're getting closer to mother Earth so that you'll do better.
  13. For a palentology exam, bring bones and beat on the table you are sitting at while singing "Roll the Bones" by Rush.
  14. For an Environmental Studies class walk into the room with an NRA shirt and begin to inform everybody that they're a bunch of envronmentalist wackos.
  15. Use a petrographic microscope to look at the exam.
  16. Bring pulverized sulfur, be creative.
  17. Come to the exam late and before you sit down at a desk strike it with a pick.
  18. Carefully listen to the tone and pretend it isn't right. Don't sit down until you've tried this with every empty desk at least 3 times each. After you finally find a place to sit, get up every fifteen minutes and do it all over again and find another place to sit.
  19. When you get the exam, give it back to the professor and tell him to save the trees.
  20. Pull out a decent sized chunk of gypsum and begin to gnaw on it. Explain that it makes for a great aphrodisiac.
  21. Hide small farm animals in specimine drawers.
  22. If the test involves topographic maps, put Garfield stickers all over it...If it's a map of Michigan, put an Elvis stamp on Kalamazoo.
  23. Comment on how sexy the professor would look with a pick hanging from their belt.
  24. Run into the room screaming, "OH NO! IT'S THE GLACIERS! THEY'RE COMMING BACK AND THEY'RE PISSED!"
  25. Bring a calculator to an essay exam. Pretend to use it often.
  26. Do an imitation of soil creep. Be sure to include sound effects.
  27. Pretend to be blind and act like the only way you can see is by looking through biotite flakes.
  28. Act as though one of the crystals in the room is sucking the life force out of you. Just like superman and kryptonite.
  29. Become a lithophagic organism.