You Might Be A School Teacher If...
  1. You believe the staff room should be equipped with a Valium salt lick.
  2. You find humor in other people's stupidity.
  3. You want to slap the next person who says "Must be nice to work 8 to 3:20 and have summers free."
  4. You believe chocolate is a food group.
  5. You can tell if it's a full moon without ever looking outside.
  6. You believe "Shallow gene pool" should have its own box in the report card.
  7. You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says "Boy, the kids sure are mellow today."
  8. When out in public you feel the urge to snap your fingers at children you do not know and correct their behavior.
  9. You have no life between August to June.
  10. Marking all A's on report cards would make your life SO much simpler.
  11. When you mention "Vegetables" you're not talking about a food group.
  12. You think people should be required to get a government permit before being allowed to reproduce.
  13. You wonder how some parents ever MANAGED to reproduce.
  14. You laugh uncontrollably when people refer to the staff room as the "lounge."
  15. You believe in aerial spraying of Prozak.
  16. You encourage an obnoxious parent to check into charter schools or home schooling.
  17. You believe no one should be permitted to reproduce without having taught in an elementary setting for the last 10 years.
  18. You've ever had your profession slammed by someone who would "Never DREAM" of doing your job.
  19. You can't have children because there's no name you could give a child that wouldn't bring on high blood pressure the moment you heard it uttered.
  20. You think caffeine should be available in intravenous form.
  21. You know you are in for a major project when a parent says "I have a great idea I'd like to discuss. I think it would be such fun."
  22. You smile weakly, and want to choke a person when he or she says "Oh, you must have such FUN every day. This must be like playtime for you."
  23. Your personal life comes to a screeching halt at report card time.
  24. Meeting a child's parent instantly answers the question "Why is this kid like this?"