The Computer Experts Glossary
ADA: Something you need to know the name of to be an Expert in
Computing. Useful in sentences like, "We had better develop
an ADA awareness."
Bug: An elusive creature living in a program that makes it
incorrect. The activity of "debugging," or removing
bugs from a program, ends when people get tired of doing it, not
when the bugs are removed.
Cache: A very expensive part of the memory system of a
computer that no one is supposed to know is there.
Design: What you regret not doing later on.
Documentation: Instructions translated from Swedish by
Japanese for English speaking persons.
Economies of scale: The notion that bigger is better. In
particular, that if you want a certain amount of computer power,
it is much better to buy one biggie than a bunch of smallies.
Accepted as an article of faith by people who love big machines
and all that complexity. Rejected as an article of faith by those
who love small machines and all those limitations.
Hardware: The parts of a computer system that can be kicked.
Information Center: A room staffed by professional computer
people whose job it is to tell you why you cannot have the
information you require.
Information Processing: What you call data processing when
people are so disgusted with it they won't let it be discussed in
their presence.
Machine-independent program: A program that will not run on
any machine.
Meeting: An assembly of computer experts coming together to
decide what person or department not represented in the room must
solve the problem.
Minicomputer: A computer that can be afforded on the budget of
a middle-level manager.
Office Automation: The use of computers to improve efficiency
in the office by removing anyone you would want to talk with over
coffee.
On-line: The idea that a human being should always be
accessible to a computer.
Pascal: A programming language named after a man who would
turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
Performance: A statement of the speed at which a computer
system works. Or rather, might work under certain circumstances.
Or was rumored to be working over in Jersey about a month ago.
Priority: A statement of the importance of a user or a
program. Often expressed as a relative priority, indicating that
the user doesn't care when the work is completed so long as he is
treated less badly than someone else.
Quality control: Assuring that the quality of a product does
not get out of hand and add to the cost of its manufacture or
design.
Regression analysis: Mathematical techniques for trying to
understand why things are getting worse.
Strategy: A long-range plan whose merit cannot be evaluated
until sometime after those creating it have left the
organization.
Systems programmer: A person in sandals who has been in the
elevator with the senior vice president and is ultimately
responsible for a phone call you are to receive from you boss.
(my favorite!)