MS Expands from the Desktop to the Bedroom
Microsoft Corporation has taken another step toward dominating every aspect of
American life with the introduction of Contraceptive98, a suite of applications
designed for users who engage in sex. Microsoft has been a pioneer in peer-to-peer
connectivity and plug and play.
It believes these technologies will give it substantial leverage in penetrating the
copulation enhancement market. The product addresses two important user concerns:
the need for virus protection and the need for a firewall to ensure the
non-propagation of human beings.
The Contraceptive98 suite consists of three products: Condom98, DeFetus 1.0 (from
Sementec), and AIDScan 2.1 (from Norton Utilities). A free copy of Intercourse
Explorer 4.0 is bundled in the package.
The suite also comes in two expanded versions. Contraceptive98 Professional is the
Client/Server edition, for professionals in the sexual services sector.
Contraceptive98 Small Business Edition is a package for startups, aimed at the
housewife and gigolo niches.
While Contraceptive98 does not address nontraditional copulatory channels, future
plug-ins are planned for next year.
OPERATION:
Only one node in a peer-to-peer connection needs to install the package.
At installation, the Condom98 software checks for minimum hardware. If the user
meets the requirements, the product installs and is sufficiently scalable to meet most
requirements. After installation, operation commences. One caution is that the user
must have sufficient RAM to complete the session. When the session is complete, a
disconnect is initiated, and the user gets the message, it is now safe to turn off your
partner.
DRAWBACKS:
Usability testers report that frequent failures were a major concern
during beta testing. General Protection Fault was the most serious error encountered.
Early versions had numerous bugs, but most of these have been eliminated. The
product needs to be installed each time its used.
CONCLUSION:
Contraceptive98 is a robust product. Despite its drawbacks, it is
reasonably good value for its $49.95 price tag, and is far superior to its shareware
version. Hopefully, future releases (of the software, that is) will add missing
functionality, such as Backout and Restore, uninterruptible Power Supply, and Onboard
Camera.
Microsoft CEO Bill Gates is optimistic about "Our contraceptive products will help
users do to each other what we've been doing to our customers for years..."