Internet Access Policy
When we outfitted everyone's computer with a shared T3 connection to the World
Wide Web last year, I was told that this would enhance our company's productivity.
Catapult us into the information age. Mold us into a fast, efficient, highly effective
team with a limitless wealth of data at our fingertips. Judging from the downloaded
photos of Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee engaging in an activity that can best be
described as "perpendicular" that landed on my desk this morning, I can only assume
that the World Wide Web is not being put to the use for which it was originally
intended. It is clear to me that instead of being used for business research, precious
Internet access time is being wasted on frequent visits to sites that are decidedly
unbusinesslike. Thus, the Systems Administration Department has installed a new
access blocking program on the network, the purpose of which is to effectively block
access to frequented sites that detract from our business practices. So far, the list
of restricted sites includes:
www.vicarioussexthroughstillimages.com
www.rugburn.com
www.saliva.com
www.thesportspope.com
www.turgid.com
www.thesportsobsessor.com
www.grunt.com
www.whatareyouwearing.com
www.carolburnettwantsyou.com
www.righthandman.com
www.sportsstatsareus.com
www.calluses.com
www.asexualcomicbookcollector.com
www.ihatemyjob.com
www.ireallyhatemyjob.com
www.dungeonsanddiapers.com
www.lumberjackmonthly.com
www.thesportsmasochist.com
www.shatner.com
www.thebaycityrollers.com
www.thestalkersbestfriend.com
www.thesecondgunman.com
www.lithiumisyourfriend.com
www.introvertedfigurinehorder.com
www.findthatsock.com
www.garyhart2000.com
www.courtneykilledkurt.com
www.gerbilalert.com
www.thebombmaker.com
www.chesschessmorechess.com
www.thenuttysportsnut.com
www.foolyourbossintothinkingyouaredoinginternetresearch.com
www.cheeseandwinecorner.com
www.pacmanenthusiast.com
www.coreyfeldmanismyhero.com
www.illkickyourbuttinquake.com
www.chiapetfanclub.com
www.theworldofbobvila.com
www.couponscoupons.com
www.yank.com
www.baconlovers.com
www.wastetimehere.com
www.edibleinsectdigest.com
www.paranoidmilkman.com
www.evilfurniture.com
www.acrobatmice.com
www.activegrams.com
www.swimsuitless.com
www.mybolognaisdevelopinganunsightlycrust.com
www.arsonforcash.com
www.weregratefulthatjerrygarciaisdead.com
www.genethepsychic.com
As more sites come to our attention, we shall add them to our ever-growing list.
Remember, the Web is meant to be used as a tool for business -- not glandular
activity. Thank you.