Microsoft Toast
During Bill Gates' speech at a recent computer conference, he introduced a new product, to be unveiled today, called Microsoft Toast(tm). The media was given a pre-release demo and encouraged to try it out while preparing their breakfast this morning.
Here is one reporter's transcript of his morning:
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Insert Bread - (OK) (CANCEL)
"(OK)"
Use slider control to select # of seconds to toast bread.
"(5)"
Toasting - And remember that only Microsoft bread(tm) is guaranteed to work perfectly in... TOAST BURNING - PRESS CANCEL TO STOP TOASTING PROCESS (OK) (CANCEL)
"(CANCEL)"
GENERAL PROTECTION FAULT 0300:0100 TOAST EXPLORER(tm) HAS STOPPED RESPONDING TO THE SYSTEM, PRESS RETRY TO RESTART OR CANCEL TO CONTINUE WAITING FOR PROGRAM RESPONSE.
"(CANCEL)"
Microsoft Security(tm) system determines that the smoke levels in your home have become dangerously high, would you like Microsoft Security(tm) to call the fire department? - (OK) (CANCEL)
"(OK)"
MAPI FAULT - PHONE ALREADY IN USE BY MICROSOFT EXCHANGE, PLEASE SHUT DOWN PROGRAM AND RETRY. - (OK) (CANCEL)
"(OK)"
Microsoft Security(tm) system determines that the smoke levels in your home have become dangerously high, would you like Microsoft Security(tm) to call the fire department? - (OK) (CANCEL)
"(OK)"
"(START) (PROGRAM FILES) (MICROSOFT EXCHANGE) (CLOSE)"
MAPI FAULT - PHONE ALREADY IN USE BY MICROSOFT EXCHANGE, PLEASE SHUT DOWN PROGRAM AND RETRY. - (OK) (CANCEL)
"(OK)"
Are you sure you wish to shut down Microsoft Exchange? -(OK)(CANCEL)
"(OK)"
TOAST EXPLORER(tm) HAS STOPPED RESPONDING TO THE SYSTEM, THIS PROGRAM WILL BE TERMINATED - (OK)
"(OK)"
Microsoft Security(tm) system has determined that your house is on fire, and/or in the midst of an intruder alert. Would you like Microsoft Security(tm) to call the police? - (OK) (CANCEL)
DISCLAIMER - CALLING THE POLICE FOR A NON-URGENT SITUATION CAN LEAD TO SEVERE CRIMINAL FINES AND PENALTIES, FOR WHICH MICROSOFT(tm) WILL NOT BE HELD LIABLE. MICROSOFT(tm) DOES NOT GUARANTEE RESPONSE TIMES OR YOUR SAFETY, ONLY THAT THE COMPUTER WILL ATTEMPT TO CALL THE POLICE. IF YOU DO NOT WISH TO ACCEPT THIS REPONSIBILITY, PLEASE PRESS REJECT BELOW. Do you accept this reponsibility? - (ACCEPT) (REJECT)
"(ACCEPT)"
MAPI FAULT - MAPI ALREADY IN USE.
MAPI HAS STOPPED RESPONDING TO THE SYSTEM, THIS PROGRAM WILL BE TERMINATED. (OK)
"(OK)"
Microsoft Security(tm) system has determined that the system is in danger. The system will now power down for safety reasons. (POWER DOWN) (STAY ON)
"(STAY ON)"
Microsoft Security(tm) system has determined that your house is on fire, and/or in the midst of an intruder alert. Would you like Microsoft Security(tm) to call the police? - (OK) (CANCEL)
"(OK)"
Microsoft Power Management(tm) has determined that a power loss has occured and the UPS has been activated. You have 10 minutes of power left. - (OK) (CANCEL)
"(OK)"
MICROSOFT SECURITY FAULT - MAPI NOT PRESENT
MICROSOFT SECURITY HAS BECOME UNSTABLE AND WILL BE TERMINATED. -(OK)
"(ESC)"
"(ESC)"
"(ESC)"
"(OK)"
YOUR SYSTEM HAS BECOME UNSTABLE - PLEASE REBOOT THE SYSTEM.