All You'll Ever Need to Know About Marriage
  1. Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits, and then complain that he's not the man she married?
  2. When a girl marries, she exchanges the attentions of many men for the inattention of one.
  3. Her whole life was governed by her desire not to be blamed, so she did nothing and got blamed for that.
  4. What a man needs in gardening is a cast-iron back, with a hinge in it.
  5. Marriage is one long conversation, checkered by disputes.
  6. Men are like wine - some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age.
  7. No human being believes that any other human being has a right to be in bed when he himself is up.
  8. If you have a job without aggravations, you don't have a job.
  9. Grandchildren don't make a man feel old; it's the knowledge that he's married to a grandmother.
  10. Nothing cures insomnia like the realization that it's time to get up.
  11. Many a women who thinks she has purchased a dress for the ridiculous price has actually bought it for an absurd figure.
  12. When a man says it's a silly, childish game, it's probably something his wife can beat him at.
  13. You can always tell a house with young boys in it. You have to wash the soap before you can use it.
  14. Nowadays the pay check that arrives none too soon is too soon none.
  15. A woman is like a tea-bag: you never know her strength until she is in hot water.
  16. Almost every child would learn to write sooner if allowed to do his homework on wet cement.
  17. Women like the simpler things in life - like men.
  18. Geography is about maps, but Biology is about chaps.
  19. Brigands demand your money or your life; women require both.
  20. Holy Deadlock - Marriage.
  21. Continentals have a sex life; the English have hot water bottles.
  22. Children aren't happy with nothing to ignore; and that's what parents are created for.
  23. It is a woman's business to get married as soon as possible, and a mans to stay unmarried as long as he can.
  24. Marriage is like an electric battery - it makes you dance but you can't let go.
  25. All marriages are happy. It's the living together afterwards that causes all the trouble.
  26. The critical period in matrimony is breakfast time.