Things Never to Say to a Man with a Small Penis
  1. I've smoked fatter joints than that.
  2. Ahh, it's cute.
  3. Stop fingering me and fuck me.
  4. I'm sorry.
  5. Who circumcised you?
  6. Why don't we just cuddle?
  7. You know they have surgery to fix that.
  8. It's more fun to look at.
  9. Make it dance.
  10. You know, there's a tower in Italy like that.
  11. Can I paint a smiley face on that?
  12. It looks like a nightcrawler.
  13. Wow, and your feet are so big.
  14. My last boyfriend was 4" bigger.
  15. It's OK, we'll work around it.
  16. Is this a mild or a spicy Slim Jim?
  17. Eww, there's an inch worm on your thigh.
  18. Will it squeak if I squeeze it?
  19. Oh no, a flash headache.
  20. (giggle and point)
  21. Can I be honest with you?
  22. My 8-year-old brother has one like that.
  23. Let me go get my tweezers.
  24. How sweet, you brought incense.
  25. This explains your car.
  26. You must be a growing boy.
  27. Maybe if we water it, it'll grow.
  28. Thanks, I needed a toothpick.
  29. Are you one of those pygmies?
  30. Have you ever thought of working in a sideshow?
  31. Ever hear of Clearasil?
  32. All right, a treasure hunt!
  33. I didn't know they came that small.
  34. Why is God punishing you?
  35. At least this won't take long.
  36. Let's just stick with your hand.
  37. Do you need a splint to prop that up.
  38. How interesting.
  39. I never saw one like that before.
  40. What do you call this?
  41. But it still works right?
  42. Damn I hate baby-sitting.
  43. It looks so unused.
  44. Do you take steroids?
  45. I hear excessive masturbation shrinks your dick.
  46. Maybe it looks better in natural light.
  47. I think there's a dildo around here somewhere.
  48. Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes?
  49. Let me know when you're done.
  50. Oh, I didn't know you were in an accident.
  51. Did you date Lorena Bobbitt?
  52. Aww, it's hiding.
  53. Are you cold?
  54. If you get me real drunk first.
  55. Is that an optical illusion?
  56. What is that?
  57. Does this run in your family?
  58. I'll go get the ketchup for your French fry.
  59. Were you neutered?
  60. It's a good thing you have so many other talents.
  61. Does it come with an air pump?
  62. So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality.
  63. Where are the puppet strings?
  64. Look, it all fits in my mouth at once.
  65. Deep throat??? I doubt it'll reach my tongue!!!
  66. Your big gun is more like a BB gun.
  67. Can you get this pencil out of me now?
  68. Do I hang my hat on it?
  69. Look, it fits my Barbie clothes!
  70. Don't hold back.
  71. Nevermind, why bother.