Breaking Up is Hard to Do
ACCOUNTING
Unable to count on each other, one threatens to jump off a ledger due to sensing a lack of appreciation.
ANATOMY
"I never liked your body anyway."
ARCHAEOLOGY
One tries to bury the past, and accuses the other of trying to dig it up.
ARCHITECTURE
"There just wasn't much to build on anyway..."
BIOLOGY
"You just wanted to get in my genes!"
BUSINESS
Both take stock of their relationship, and then calculate that they're spending way too much time and money together given the future value of their staying together.
CHEMISTRY
Unable to bond, they resort to drinking isopropynol.
COMPUTING
He wanted plug-n-play, but she saw a window of opportunity in a bit of interfacing with eunuchs.
COUNSELING
Each urges the other to "get help!"
ECONOMICS
One party demands more than the other can supply.
EDUCATION
Both concede that the relationship was a learning experience.
E. ENGINEER
"It's just so shocking... I'm sure there are positives and negatives, but..." [okay, yes, I know you're groaning ;-)]
ENGLISH
Each writes the other a perfect breakup letter, complete with introduction, thesis, body, and conclusion, that doesn't really say anything substantively intelligible.
GEOGRAPHY
Both people decide to simply move far away to avoid each other.
GEOLOGY
Although both felt the earth move under their feet initially, both later express the sediments that the relationship was rocky at the foundation, and slated for a volcanic eruption.
GERMAN
It was the best of relationships, it was the wurst of relationships.
HISTORY
Each party argues the breakup was caused by something the other party did in the past.
ITALIAN
"Mama Mia!"
JEWISH STUDIES
"OY! You should feel so guilty!"
JOURNALISM
"Today was the end of an era. Jack, 19, and Jill, 18, called an end to their relationship of 2 weeks..."
LAW
They sue each other for breach of a pre-dating agreement.
MUSIC
Each utilizes an operatic lament (or, in Tennessee, a country song) to express his or her sorrow.
PHILOSOPHY
If 2 people break up in a dorm and there's no one to witness the breakup, are they really single?
PHYS. ED.
Despite her bad track record, he put the ball in her court, but she dropped the ball, didn't go the extra mile, and he ended up sitting on the side lines o' love.
PHYSICS
Both resign themselves to the fact that what goes up must come down.
PSYCHOLOGY
Girl accuses guy of just using her as a substitute for his Mother.
RELIGION
Each prays for reconciliation and/or curses God.
SOCIOLOGY
Each claims to have been oppressed in the relationship.
THEATER
"OH MY GOD! Life is... ENDED... as we KNOW it!"
WOMEN'S STUDIES
"HE did it!"
ZOOLOGY
They were able to mate like banshees, but lacked sophisticated communication skills.