Why Is a Cucumber Better than a Man?
  1. You can enjoy a cucumber all night long.
  2. Cucumber stains wash out.
  3. You don't have to drink wine and dine with a cucumber before getting to the fun stuff.
  4. Your cucumber will always wait patiently for you in the car while you go shopping.
  5. When your cucumber goes soft you toss it.
  6. Cucumbers can't tell time, so they don't know when you're late.
  7. Stomach aches go away in the morning, or after you take alka-seltzer.
  8. A cucumber doesn't get jealous when you grab another cucumber (or even a carrot!)
  9. Cucumber skins come off without a fight.
  10. When you go to the grocery store, you can always pick up a cucumber. And you can check out the meat in the deli, too!
  11. Cucumbers never have headaches (or any other contagious diseases).
  12. After you've had a cucumber, who cares what it's worth?
  13. A cucumber won't get upset if you come home with another cucumber on your breath (or a fresh leafy vegetable in your pocket).
  14. If you eat a cucumber right, you always have a mouthful.
  15. You can have more than one cucumber a night and not feel guilty (they're low in calories).
  16. A cucumber always goes down easy.
  17. You can share a cucumber with friends.
  18. You always know when you're the first one to eat a cucumber.
  19. A cucumber is always hard.
  20. Cucumbers don't demand equality.
  21. You can have a cucumber in pubic (oops, I mean public!)
  22. A cucumber doesn't come (no mess).
  23. A frigid cucumber is a fresh cucumber.
  24. You don't have to wash a cucumber before it tastes good.
  25. The older a cucumber, the larger it gets.
  26. Cucumbers don't fool around.
  27. You don't have to watch where a cucumber puts its hands.
  28. You can keep a cucumber in your apartment without upsetting your mother.
  29. Cucumbers can't get you pregnant.
  30. Cucumbers don't get drunk (although they have been known to get pickled now and then).