Signs You Might Be Alaskan
  1. You only know four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco.
  2. You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
  3. The mosquitoes have landing lights.
  4. You have more miles on your snowblower than your car.
  5. You have 10 favorite recipes for moose meat.
  6. You thought "Grumpy Old Men" was a documentary.
  7. The local hardware store on any Saturday is busier than the toy store at Christmas.
  8. You live in a house that has no front step, yet the door is three feet above the ground.
  9. You've taken your kids trick-or-treating in a blizzard.
  10. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled in with snow.
  11. You think sexy lingerie is tube socks and a flannel nightgown with only eight buttons.
  12. You owe more money on your snowmobile than your car.
  13. At least twice a year, the kitchen doubles as a meat-processing plant.
  14. The most effective mosquito repellent is a shotgun.
  15. Your snowblower gets stuck on the roof.
  16. You think the start of moose season is a national holiday.
  17. You head south to go to your cottage.
  18. You frequently clean grease off your barbeque so the bears won't prowl on your deck.
  19. The major parish fund-raiser isn't bingo -- it's sausage making.
  20. The mayor greets you on the street by your first name.
  21. You find -60 C a little chilly.
  22. The trunk of your car doubles as a deep-freeze.
  23. You attend a formal event in your best clothes, your finest jewelry and your Sorels.
  24. You know four seasons: Winter, Still Winter, Almost Winter, and Construction.
  25. You can tell the difference between a chipmunk and a squirrel from 300 yards away.
  26. Shoveling the driveway constitutes a great upper body workout.
  27. The town buys a Zamboni before they buy a bus.
  28. You actually get these jokes and forward them to all your Alaskan friends.