10 Annoying News Anchor Habits

Not having cable lately, I have been forced to watch news broadcasts a lot, primarily because there are far too many of them. Unfortunately, some people who give the news can be painful to watch. Next time you sit through the news, watch for these...

  1. Sentences beginning with words like "well", "and", or "so".
  2. The comical over-usage of "alleged", or "allegedly".
  3. Addressing viewers by the name of the co-anchor, in an attempt to give us the illusion that the two of them are simply having a topical conversation and we just happen to be tuning in.
  4. The overuse and misuse of the word "literally", which, by the way, does NOT have the same meaning as "very", "practically", "actually", "nearly", "potentially",or"completely", and happens to have the exact opposite meaning of "figuratively". Actually, this is annoying habit that many people seem to have adopted lately.
  5. Asking inane questions in an effort to strengthen a weak story line.
  6. The Chameleon-like emotional change when transitioning between tragedy and lighthearted subject matter. After talking about tens of thousands of people being buried in an earthquake, they could at least break to a commercial before cheering about some Antarctic Panda giving birth to a cub.
  7. The frequent straightening and shuffling of papers that are never, ever used for any reason.
  8. Brainless teasers luring you to stay tuned during the commercials.
  9. There's often one man and one woman giving the news, sitting behind a large, concealing desk. Rarely will just two people of the same sex anchor together. Perhaps it is somehow important that they have the physical capability to make a baby. For this reason, they may be naked from the waist down, in order to hasten any "emergency intercourse."
  10. The "unnecessarily on-location" remote broadcast. Does it really make a story about the cities budget more engaging just because the City-County Building is in the background? I didn't think so.
Enjoy the broadcast.