What Constitutes an Asshole
  1. If you submit your homepage to any one search engine more than once...you are an asshole!
  2. If you submit your homepage as NUDEnakedNUDEnakedNUDE or anything even remotely similar....you are an asshole!
  3. If you take up two parking spaces for one car...you are an asshole! (unless you have to get your wheelchair out of your car)
  4. If you park in a handicapped space and you are not handicapped...you are an asshole! click here for example
  5. If you suddenly stop in the middle of a busy aisle/intersection/hallway and just stand there...you are an asshole!
  6. If you complain about the government, yet don't vote...you are an asshole!
  7. If you believe everything your government tells you...you are an asshole!
  8. If you believe Oliver Stone and spout out his theories everywhere you go...you are an asshole!
  9. If you make decisions when you don't know shit about a subject...you are an asshole!
  10. If you think Nancy Reagan is a goddess and we should all just un-thinkingly say "no" to any question made to us...you are an asshole!
  11. If you would like to regulate the internet...you are an asshole!
  12. If you refuse to wait your turn and instead cut into line at every opportunity...you are an asshole!
  13. If you are a racist...you are an asshole!
  14. If you laugh at every single "Far Side" comic...you are an asshole! (some of them you will undoubtedly not understand and there are some that are just not funny)
  15. If you advocate censorship...you are an asshole!
  16. If you fart noisily and then laugh while pointing at your buddies...you are an asshole!
  17. If you ask stupid questions and then get pissed off when returned with stupid answers...you are an asshole!
  18. If you brag about how good your girlfriend is in bed and then get mad when your friends take her for a test spin...you are an asshole!
  19. If you are found laughing and when questioned why you are laughing you respond with some stupid answer like "private joke"...you are an asshole!
  20. If you get good service in a restaurant and yet don't tip...you are an asshole!
  21. If you watch 28 hours of television a week and then say that you don't read because you don't have time...you are an asshole!
  22. If you pick your nose and then flick your boogers at other cars while stopped at a stop light...you are an asshole!
  23. If you piss into the vats of beer at the brewery...you are an asshole!
  24. If you use all the toilet paper but don't replace it...you are an asshole!
  25. If you have fog lights on your car and leave them on whether there is fog or not...you are an asshole!
  26. If you park in the middle of a two way street to talk with one of your buddies in the opposite lane, and therefore block traffic...you are an asshole!
  27. If you don't support your local sports teams until they start to win lots of games...you are an asshole!
  28. If you drive drunk...you are an asshole!
  29. If you think you are better than everyone else 'cause you've got more money than them...you are an asshole!
  30. If you smoke in a non-smoking section...you are an asshole!
  31. If you commit a crime, get caught and sent to prison, but think it is unfair...you are an asshole!
  32. If you think welfare is an occupation...you are an asshole!
  33. If you take more than 10 items into the "10 items or less" express lane at the supermarket...you are an asshole!
  34. If you don't shower and stink and smell like shit...you are an asshole!
  35. If you complain about your weight problem and still eat at McDonalds...you are an asshole!
  36. If you go to the crapper for over an hour and don't use an air freshener...you are an asshole!
  37. If you send chain letters of any kind...you are an asshole!
  38. If you drive in the centre of the lane at 20km's below the speed limit...you are an asshole!
  39. If you channel surf while others are trying to watch tv...you are an asshole!
  40. If you complain about the price of gas, yet drive a car that gets eight miles per gallon...you are an asshole!
  41. If you drive around the city limits with your bright lights on all the time because "you be cool"...you are an asshole!
  42. If you drive without buckling up your kids...you are an asshole!
  43. If you visit someone's home and leave hair all over the soap...you are an asshole!
  44. If you call for a pizza, tell the guy to hold, then ask what everybody wants...you are an asshole!
  45. If you put your makeup on while driving...you are an asshole!
  46. If you don't turn off your beeper during class...you are an asshole!
  47. If you blast your horn at the driver in front of you a split second after the light turns green...you are an asshole!
  48. If you loudly entertain the whole bus with your boom box...you are an asshole!
  49. If you don't bother to update the links to your own homepage...you are an asshole!
  50. If you leave something floating in the bowl in a public restroom...you are an asshole!
  51. If you stay in the movie theater while your baby screeches his head off...you are an asshole!
  52. If you piss all over the toilet seat in a public restroom and don't have the common courtesy to wipe it off...you are an asshole!
  53. If you yell at people on t.v. to do something even though you know they can't hear you...you are an asshole!
  54. If you make a list of what constitutes an asshole...you are an asshole!
  55. If you wear a team jersey and know nothing about the team or sport...you are an asshole!
  56. If you hire someone and pay them minimum wage and then work them like a dog, flick them shit and ride their back every minute of every day...you are an asshole!
  57. If you trick others into drinking diarrhea mixed with milk by telling them it is chocolate milk...you are an asshole!
  58. If you complain about others that drive just like you...you are an asshole!
  59. If you pull up to a red light and wait for it to turn green before switching on your blinker...you are an asshole!
  60. If you put this list on your homepage and remove the copyright not only are you stealing and taking credit for something that is not yours but...you are an asshole!
  61. If you sign someone's guestbook telling him what an asshole he is, yet you are too chicken shit to reveal your name or e-mail address...you are an asshole!
  62. If you have a lame homepage that takes forever to download because you have cheesy music and way too many graphics...you are an asshole!
  63. If you write "U" instead of "you," or "sux" instead of "sucks," or "klik" instead of "click" or "kreative" instead of "creative"...you are an asshole!
  64. If you fart in bed then pull the covers over your girlfriends head...you are an asshole!!!