The Beans
Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a maddening
passion for baked beans. He loved them, but they always had a
very embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him. Then, one
day he met a girl and fell in love. When it was apparent that
they would marry, he thought to himself, "She is such a
sweet and gentle girl, she will never go for this kind of
carrying on." So he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up
beans. They were married shortly thereafter.
Some months later, his car broke down on the way home form
work, and, since they lived in the country, he called his wife
and told her that he would be late because he had to walk home.
On his way, he passed a small cafe, and the ordor of freshly
baked beans was overwhelming. Since he still had several miles to
walk, he figured that he would work off any ill effects before he
got home, so he stopped at the cafe. Before leaving, he had eaten
three large orders of baked beans. All the way home, he putt-putted,
and after arriving, he felt reasonably safe that he had putt-putted
his last.
His wife seemed somewhat agitated and excited to see him and
exclaimed delightedly, "Darling, I have the most wonderful
surprise for dinner tonight!" She then blindfolded him and
led him to his chair at the head of the dining table. He seated
himself and, just as she was ready to remove the blindfold, the
telephone rang. She made him vow not to remove the blindfold
until she returned, then went to answer the phone. Seizing the
opportunity he shifted his weight to one leg and "let go."
It was not only loud, but as ripe as rotten eggs. He took the
napkin form his lap and vigorously fanned the air about him.
Things had just resumed to normal when he felt another urge
coming on him, so he shifted his weight to the other leg and
"let go" agian. This was a true prize-winner. While
keeping his ear on the conversation in the hall, he went on like
this for ten minutes, until he knew the phone farewells indicated
the end of his freedom. He placed his napkin on his lap, folded
his hands on top of it, and, smiling contentedly to himself, he
was the very picture of innocence.
When his wife returned, apologizing for taking so long, she
asked if he had peeked; he, of course, assured her that he had
not. At this point, she removed the blindfold, and there was his
surprise: twelve dinner guests seated around the table for a
Happy Birthday party for him.