A Dictionary of Theater Terms
Eternity
The time that passes between a dropped cue and the next line.
Prop
A hand-carried object small enough to be lost by an actor 30 seconds before it is
needed on stage.
Director
The individual who suffers from the delusion that he or she is responsible for every
moment of brilliance cited by the critic in the local review.
Blocking
The art of moving actors on the stage in such a manner as not to collide with the walls,
the furniture, the orchestra pit or each other. Similar to playing chess, except that
the pawns want to argue with you.
Blocking Rehearsal
A rehearsal taking place early in the production schedule where actors frantically
write down movements which will be nowhere in evidence by opening night.
Quality Theater
Any show with which you were directly involved.
Turkey
Every show with which you were not directly involved.
Dress Rehearsal
Rehearsal that becomes a whole new ball game as actors attempt to maneuver among
the 49 objects that the set designer added at 7:30 that evening.
Tech Week
The last week of rehearsal when everything that was supposed to be done weeks
before finally comes together at the last minute; reaches its grand climax on dress
rehearsal night when costumes rip, a dimmer pack catches fire and the director has
a nervous breakdown. Also known as "hell" week.
Set
An obstacle course which, throughout the rehearsal period, defies the laws of physics
by growing smaller week by week while continuing to occupy the same amount of space.
Monologue
That bright, shining moment when all eyes are focused on a single actor who is
desperately aware that if he forgets a line, no one can save him.
Dark Night
The night before opening when no rehearsal is scheduled so the actors and crew can
go home and get some well-deserved rest, and instead spend the night staring
sleeplessly at the ceiling because they're sure they needed one more rehearsal.
Bit Part
An opportunity for the actor with the smallest role to count everybody else's lines
and mention repeatedly that he or she has the smallest part in the show.
Green Room
Room shared by nervous actors waiting to go on stage and the precocious children
whose actor parents couldn't get a baby-sitter that night, a situation which can
result in justifiable homicide.
Dark Spot
An area of the stage which the lighting designer has inexplicably forgotten to light,
and which has a magnetic attraction for the first-time actor. A dark spot is never
evident before opening night.
Hands
Appendages at the end of the arms used for manipulating one's environment, except
on a stage, where they grow six times their normal size and either dangle uselessly,
fidget nervously, or try to hide in your pockets.
Stage Manager
Individual responsible for overseeing the crew, supervising the set changes,
baby-sitting the actors and putting the director in a hammerlock to keep him from
killing the actor who just decided to turn his walk-on part into a major role by doing
magic tricks while he serves the tea.
Lighting Director
Individual who, from the only vantage point offering a full view of the stage, gives the
stage manager a heart attack by announcing a play-by-play of everything that's going
wrong.
Makeup Kit
(1) Among experienced community theater actors, a battered tackle box loaded with
at least 10 shades of greasepaint in various stages of desiccation, tubes of lipstick
and blush, assorted pencils, bobby pins, braids of crepe hair, liquid latex, old
programs, jewelry, break-a-leg greeting cards from past shows, brushes and a handful of half-melted cough drops, (2) For first-time male actors, a helpless look and anything they can borrow.
The Forebrain
The part of an actors brain which contains lines, blocking and characterization;
activated by hot lights.
The Hindbrain
The part of an actors brain that keeps up a running subtext in the background, while
the forebrain is trying to act. The hindbrain supplies a constant stream of unwanted
information. Such as who is sitting in the second row tonight, a notation to seriously
maim the crew member who thought it would be funny to put real Tabasco sauce in the
fake Bloody Marys, or the fact that you need to do laundry on Sunday.
Stage Crew
Group of individuals who spend their evenings coping with 50-minute stretches of total
boredom interspersed with 30-second bursts of mindless panic.
Message Play
Any play which its director describes as "worthwhile," "a challenge to actors and
audience alike," or "designed to make the audience think." Critics will be impressed
both by the daring material and the roomy accommodations, since they're likely to
have the house all to themselves.
Bedroom Farce
Any play which requires various states of undress on stage and whose set sports a lot
of doors. The lukewarm reviews, all of which feature the phrase "typical community
theater fare" in the opening paragraph, are followed paradoxically by a frantic
attempt to schedule more performances to accommodate the overflow crowds.
Assistant Director
Individual willing to undertake special projects that nobody else would take on a bet,
such as working one-on-one with the brain-dead actor whom the rest of the cast has
threatened to take out a contract on.
Set Piece
Any large piece of furniture which actors will resolutely use as a safety shield
between themselves and the audience, in an apparent attempt to both anchor
themselves to the floor, thereby avoiding floating off into space, and to keep the
audience from seeing that they actually have legs.
Strike
The time immediately following the last performance while all cast and crew members
are required to stay and dismantle (or watch the two people who own Makita screw
drivers) dismantle the set.
Actors (As defined by a set designer)
People who stand between the audience and the set designer's art, blocking the view.
That's also the origin of the word "blocking," by the way.
Stage Right, Stage Left
Two simple directions actors pretend not to understand in order to drive directors
crazy. ("No, no, your OTHER stage right!")