Witty Responses To Parental Naggings
"You really going to eat all that?!?"
"Well, actually, I was thinking about eating about 17 percent or so, and using the rest for a small thermonuclear reactor I'm building in the upstairs bathroom."
"Ahem... did you plan on doing your chores anytime soon?"
"Not particularly, but thanks for asking."
"You know, I've never seen anyone procrastinate as much as you do!"
"Really? Well, I have a lot of friends who procrastinate much more. I'll introduce you to them when I get around to it sometime."
"Didn't I tell you, don't drink before bedtime!"
"Um, logically speaking, isn't it essentially ALWAYS before bedtime?"
"If you don't eat your veggies, you won't grow up big and strong like Daddy!"
[looking at overweight dad] "How about I just eat half of them so I can get the "strong" part and forget about the, uh 'big' part."
"You need to mow the lawn today."
"I'm sorry, that's herbicide, and I am a conscientious objector."
"Hey kid, when your older brother was growing up, he watched HALF the TV you do!"
"That's because when he was growing up, the TV screen was half the size!"
"Now when you go out tonight, hun, you don't want to get in trouble, do you?"
"Well, I suppose it depends on the kind of trouble I'm offered."
"I told you to be home at 10pm!"
"But I was driving pretty far, and you didn't specify a time zone."
"You havn't done any housework or chores!"
"It was a choice between housework and homework. Do you want me to fail all my exam?"
"You grounded from the computer, tv,...and Emily!"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOO, NOT THE COMPUTER!!!!