Early Warning Signs Of Aging
  1. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
  2. No one expects you to run into a burning building.
  3. People call at 9 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?"
  4. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
  5. There's nothing left to learn the hard way.
  6. Things you buy now won't wear out.
  7. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
  8. You can eat dinner at 4pm.
  9. You can't remember the last time you laid on the floor to watch television.
  10. You consider prune juice one of the most important things in life.
  11. You really enjoy hearing about other people's operations.
  12. You get into heated arguments about Social Security.
  13. You got cable for the Discovery/Health channel.
  14. You have a party and the neighbours don't even realise it.
  15. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
  16. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
  17. You sing along with the elevator music.
  18. Your ears are hairier than your head.
  19. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
  20. Your joints are more accurate than the National Weather Service.
  21. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.