Cynics Guide to Life
  1. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
  2. A handy telephone tip: Keep a small chalkboard near the phone. That way, when a salesman calls, you can hold the receiver up to it and run your fingernails across it until he hangs up.
  3. Into every life some rain must fall. Usually when your car windows are down.
  4. Just remember...You gotta break some eggs to make a real mess on the neighbor's car!
  5. It's a small world. So you gotta use your elbows a lot.
  6. This land is your land. This land is my land. So stay on your land.
  7. When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.
  8. Love is like a roller coaster: when it's good you don't want to get off, and when it isn't...you can't wait to throw up.