10 Tips on Hosting a Party
  1. Have someone else do it at their house. Thank them profusely after it's all over.
  2. If you can't find another gullible person to have the party, ask the college about reserving rooms or facilities on campus for this great event.
  3. Don't let someone leave the party in an inebriated state to jump in their car to drive -- you could be legally liable for whatever mayhem they later create! Have someone else -- who is of sound and clear mind and body -- drive them home, or take their car keys and lose them somewhere for the rest of the evening.
  4. Be careful who you invite to the party, what friends they're bringing, and if their intentions are honorable. If not, encourage them to attend someone else's party -- a long ways away, maybe in the next state or country.
  5. Know when it's time to ask someone to leave -- and then do it, most tactfully, of course.
  6. Quiet things down a bit after 4:00 in the morning or the neighbors may complain and ask the law enforcement personnel to visit you.
  7. Leave at least a square foot, or so, of room at the party for every person that is attending to breathe. Everyone will have a much better time and enjoyable evening when there is enough oxygen to go around.
  8. Say 'Hello' to everyone at the party, even the people you've never met before in your life. They may have something interesting to say or some jumper cables to help start your car when you realize you've left your lights on for the past five hours.
  9. Find a new friend to talk to about your latest adventures reading the Student Survival Manual, and how ridiculous and completely useless some of the so-called suggestions are.
  10. After the party is over, keep a mental list of all of those people who you will absolutely not invite next time, nor at any time in the immediate or far distant future.