Twas the Night Before X-mas, Realtor Version
Twas the night before X-mas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring not even a mouse;
The sign was stuck in the lawn with care,
In hopes that the buyers soon would be there;
The Realtors at open house had all been fed,
While visions of commissions danced in their heads;
But the first buyer who saw the house on a map,
Had between what he had and the list price a gap.
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
It was buyer #2 - the Mad Hatter!
He had made a great offer with savvy and flash,
Tore open his briefcase and threw out the cash.
I thought the appraiser might value too low,
I'm just a Realtor - what do I know?
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But an acceptable contract and a lender no fear.
With a termite inspector so thorough and quick,
I knew in a moment, I wouldn't be sick.
More home inspections that all sound the same,
We whistled and shouted and called them by name;
"Now ROOFER! Now, GARDENER! Now, PAINTER a mixin,
New carpet, new vinyl new hardwood we're fixin.
To the top of the stairs! To the top of the wall!
More estimates, more bids, now more contractors call!"
And then, in a twinkling, I heard such good news,
After fretting and worrying, this I could use.
As I lifted my cell phone and dialed, I found,
the loan docs are here, with nary a sound.
Her eyes how they twinkled! Her dimples how merry!
Escrow instructions with her she carried.
Closing costs didn't seem too low,
But I reminded the buyer sometimes we don't know.
The cashiers' check held tight in his teeth,
My buyer was calm his nerves underneath.
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his home
I gave him the house keys no more to roam.
As we compose this real estate Christmas prose,
Alas this is not how each escrow does close.
Before you buy or sell, give us a whistle,
As Realtors we'll keep you out of the thistles.
Please give us a chance, And feel free to call,
"MERRY X-MAS TO YOU AND HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL!"