Top 10 Ways of Knowing You've Joined the Wrong Church
  1. The Pastor refers to God only as "Jehovah" and constantly exhorts the congregation to "witness".
  2. New members are required to submit W-2's for the last 10 years.
  3. Pastor regularly attends meetings at Las Vegas and Atlantic City.
  4. The media refers to the church facilities as a "compound".
  5. You discover the church refers to the 10 commandments as the 10 suggestions.
  6. The Women's Quartet are all married to the pastor.
  7. The chancel cross has been replaced with a bronze pyramid.
  8. Pastor preaches an eloquent sermon on ancient heresies and the elders want to make them part of the doctrinal statement.
  9. The New Member's kit includes a Bible, church-by-laws, and an UZI.
  10. The Pastoral Search Committee announces that they discovered a problem with their one good candidate - she's divorced.