Good News, Bad News for Pastors
Good News: You baptized seven people today in the river.
Bad News: You lost two of them in the swift current.
Good News: The Women's Guild voted to send you a get-well card.
Bad News: The vote passed by 31-30.
Good News: The Elder Board accepted your job description the way you wrote it.
Bad News: They were so inspired by it, they also formed a search committee to find somebody capable of filling the position.
Good News: You finally found a choir director who approaches things exactly the same way you do.
Bad News: The choir mutinied.
Good News: Mrs. Jones is wild about your sermons.
Bad News: Mrs. Jones is also wild about the "Gong Show," "Beavis and Butthead" and "Texas Chain Saw Massacre."
Good News: The trustees finally voted to add more church parking.
Bad News: They are going to blacktop the front lawn of your parsonage.
Good News: Church attendance rose dramatically the last three weeks.
Bad News: You were on vacation.
Good News: Your biggest critic just left your church.
Bad News: He has been appointed the Head Bishop of your denomination.
Good News: The youth in your church come to your house for a surprise visit.
Bad News: It's in the middle of the night and they are armed with toilet paper and shaving cream to "decorate" your house.
Good News: Your church's new recovery group is well attended.
Bad News: Your spouse and kids are in it.
Good News: Your church is getting lots of free publicity recently.
Bad News: It's on the crime-reports page.
Good News: Your youth director is finally getting kids to attend church.
Bad News: They're going to the church down the street.
Good News: With your new wireless microphone, everybody can understand your sermons.
Bad News: The hard-of-hearing suddenly discover they disagree with you.
Good News: People have caught the vision for church growth.
Bad News: Now they ask why it's not happening.
Good News: The people missed you during your vacation.
Bad News: They also missed attending church and giving their tithes.
Good News: The new donated computer is loaded with all the best technological advances...
Bad News: For 1983.