Top 15 Things Overheard in Roswell, NM, This Week
  1. "Man, I coulda saved NASA a heap o' money. I done been to Mars and it ain't nuthin' but a buncha rocks."
  2. "Isn't that Larry King down on one knee with that alien?"
  3. "Alright, everyone, listen up: Heaven's Gate cult freaks in this line, drunk rednecks in this line, and X-Philes and Trekkies over there."
  4. "Fifteen bucks to view an alien colostomy bag?"
  5. "False alarm, everyone, calm down! And you two, put that Frisbee away, for cryin' out loud!"
  6. "Better get another case of aluminum foil and some more wire -- these Genuine Alien Artifacts is sellin' like hotcakes!"
  7. "What they *also* won't tell you is that one of them Kennedy boys was a-drivin' when they crashed."
  8. "Hey, Dude, when does Garcia start playing?"
  9. "They're *not* dead! I'm telling you... Kurault was driving, Sagan held me down and Cousteau worked the probe!"
  10. "...And when the alien returned our son to us, he left us this lone sequined glove."
  11. "So then they took me onto their ship and probed me. And like a fool, I believed it was 'special' and they would 'call me.' Aliens are scum, Marge -- When am I gonna learn?"
  12. "...and I hear they's the ones what gave us Cheeze Whiz."
  13. "Programs, getcher programs here! Can't tell the cover-ups without a program!"
  14. "Hey, Eunice, pass me the Sterno."
  15. "Hey there, Sweetness. How'dya like a close encounter of the Earl kind?"