Top Ten Signs You've Been Exposed to Hazardous Material
  1. Two 18-wheelers collided. You arrive at the scene of the accident just in time to see the two drivers' bodies melt.
  2. Your body hair is getting so coarse, it's starting to poke through your uniform.
  3. You can predict the weather by the length of your bowel movements.
  4. Instead of chocolate sprinkles, you ask for wood chips on your donuts.
  5. You order raw meat at your favorite restaurant.
  6. Your apartment is suddenly roach-free.
  7. At night there's this eerie green glow - and it's you!
  8. You start to generate electricity and sparks fly from your mouth when you drink water.
  9. The tomatoes growing in your backyard are the size of pumpkins.
  10. They transfer you to Area 51.