Top 16 Long-Term Effects of Listening to Country Western Music
  1. Gun rack mysteriously appears in the back of your car.
  2. You name your kids Garth, Reba, Conway and Merle.
  3. You form a deeply-rooted mistrust of relationships, fashion trends, and foreign automobiles.
  4. Big hats, big buckles, & big bills to the Home Shopping Network.
  5. You start to notice just how doggone attractive yer sister is.
  6. Thinking more and more the trash can lid would make one helluva belt buckle.
  7. Diet of chicken-fried steak and Budweiser gives skin an unearthly glow.
  8. At each of life's major crossroads, you ask yourself, "what would Willie Nelson do?"
  9. You become unable to discriminate between one too many and Whoooodoggie!
  10. You take to speaking in cornball analogies like achin' takes to a cheatin' heart.
  11. You find yourself turning tricks to support $100-a-day hair spray habit.
  12. You can "Lather, Rinse and Repeat" until the cows come home, but your hair still looks like it has a quart of 30-weight in it.
  13. Yet *another* worn-out 8-track player.
  14. Your Bleedin' Ear.
  15. You begin to worship Jeff Foxworthy the way the French worship Jerry Lewis.
  16. Strong urge to visit a barber and ask for "The Lovett."