Employee Performance Appraisal
Name:
Title:
Department:
Supervisor:
KNOWLEDGE
[ ] Bastard really knows his shit
[ ] Knows most aspects of his job
[ ] Knows enough to be dangerous
[ ] Wouldn't know his own name
[ ] This turkey is brain dead
ACCURACY
[ ] Does excellent work if not preoccupied with sex
[ ] Pretty good only occasionally loses it
[ ] Doesn't give a shit about his output
[ ] Does shitty work and constantly screws up
[ ] Couldn't count his balls and get the same number twice
WORK SPEED
[ ] Fastest bastard I've ever seen
[ ] Fast when it suits him
[ ] Fast while being watched
[ ] Needs his ass kicked every 5 minutes
[ ] Moves as if in a coma
DEPENDABILITY
[ ] A very dependable little crawler
[ ] Usually dependable if not pushed
[ ] Conscientious if sexual urges satisfied
[ ] Always the first to leave
[ ] Completely unreliable in all things
CO-OPERATION
[ ] Extremely co-operative team member
[ ] Harmonious little brown nose
[ ] Co-operative only if coerced
[ ] Doesn't get on well with others
[ ] Doesn't give a shit, never has
APPEARANCE
[ ] Very neat and tidy, even combs his pubic hair
[ ] Neat and tidy when trying to impress
[ ] Needs to be introduced to toothpaste and deodorant
[ ] Sloppy dirty bastard
[ ] Flies leave fresh dogshit to follow him
PUNCTUALITY
[ ] So early we wonder if he goes home
[ ] Usually on time
[ ] Only late when there's a good reason
[ ] Late too often without excuse
[ ] Arrives so late, only half the staff have met him
LEADERSHIP
[ ] Kicks ass and gets things done
[ ] Constantly pisses off the troops
[ ] Sometimes told to get stuffed
[ ] Only cleaners obey him
[ ] Couldn't lead a starving dingo to fresh meat