Promotional and Funeral

We are pleased to announce the promotion of Scott Carver to the position of SVP of the Finance Department. Scott has been with the Finance Department for forty five years, and has consistently proven himself as an employee with the abilities necessary to do the job. A special reception in Mr. Carver's honor will be held in the 12th floor executive boardroom from 2:45pm to 3:00pm on Tuesday. Employees wishing to attend the reception are encouraged to fill out their executive boardroom access requisition forms now.

Also, we will be holding a company funeral for Tom Weatherby, former SVP of the Finance Department, who unfortunately passed away this weekend while scuba diving in Australia. Due to the somewhat annihilatory nature of his death, the funeral will not be an open-casket ceremony, but rather a closed-matchbox affair. It will be held in the 12th floor executive boardroom from 3:00pm to 3:15pm on Tuesday. Employees who wish to attend the funeral are encouraged to fill out their executive boardroom access requisition forms now. If you are also planning to attend Mr. Carver's reception, remember to fill out a separate form for each event.

Executives interested in Mr. Weatherby's office are encouraged to fill out an office lottery form, and place it in the box provided at the funeral. Mr. Weatherby's parking space will be available on a first-come, first-serve basis as soon as his company car is repossessed and towed away by Corporate Security. Mr. Weatherby's Adminstrative Assistant, Roy, will be available for interviews at Jones' Bar and Pub this Friday, between 8:00 and 10:00 PM, should anyone be interested in retaining his services. It should be noted that Mr. Weatherby's computer system, a 266Mhz Pentium II with a 17" SVGA monitor, 5GB of hard drive space, 128MB of RAM, and 20x CD-ROM drive, will be moved to the Protection Department, where it will run the new coffee break monitoring system.

Please be reminded that you can learn more about the circumstances surrounding Mr. Weatherby's death by watching WHEN ANIMALS ATTACK XVI: BLOOD ON THE WATER tonight on the Fox network.