The Ant and the Grasshopper
THE CLASSIC VERSION
The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying
up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances
and plays the summer away.
Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter so
he dies out in the cold.
THE MODERN VERSION
The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying
up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances
and plays the summer away.
Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know
why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and
starving. CBS, CNN, NBC and ABC show up to provide pictures of the shivering
grasshopper next to video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with
food.
America and the world is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can it be that, in a
country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?
Then a representative of the NAAGB (National Association of Green Bugs) shows up
on Nightline and charges the ant with "green bias", and makes the case that the
grasshopper is the victim of 30 million years of greenism.
Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper, and everybody cries when
he sings "It's Not Easy Being Green." Bill and Hillary Clinton make a special guest
appearance on the CBS Evening News to tell a concerned Dan Rather that they will do
everything they can for the grasshopper who has been denied the prosperity he
deserves by those who benefitted unfairly during the Reagan summers, or as Bill
refers to it, the "Temperatures of the 80's."
Richard Gephardt exclaims in an interview with Peter Jennings that the ant has
gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and calls for an immediate tax hike on
the ant to make him pay his "fair share."
Finally, the EEOC drafts the "Economic Equity and Anti-Greenism Act". Retroactive
to the beginning of the summer, the ant was fined for failing to hire a proportionate
number of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home
is confiscated by the government.
The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up the last bits of the ant's food
while the government house he's in, which just happens to be the ant's old house,
crumbles around him since he doesn't know how to maintain it. The ant has
disappeared in the snow. And on the TV, which the grasshopper bought by selling most
of the ant's food, they are showing Bill Clinton standing before a wildly applauding
group of compatriots announcing that a new era of "fairness" has dawned in America.