NASA Research Announces Discovery of a New Element
The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered by GM Research
physicists. The element, tentatively named Administratium, has no protons or
electrons and thus has an atomic number of zero. However, it does have 1 neutron, 125
assistant neutrons, 75 vice neutrons, and 111 assistant vice neutrons. This gives it an
atomic number of 312. These 312 particles are held together by a force that involves
the continuous exchange of meson-like particles called morons.
Since it has no electrons, Administratium is inert. However, it can be detected
chemically as it impedes every reaction that it comes in contact with. According to
the discoverers, a minute amount of Adimnistratium caused one reaction to take over
four days to complete when it would have normally occurred in less than one second.
Administratium has a normal half-life of approximately three years, at which time it
does not actually decay but instead undergoes a reorganization in which assistant
neutrons, vice neutrons, and assistant vice neutrons exchange places. Some studies
have shown that the atomic mass actually increases after each reorganization.
Research at other laboratories indicates that Administratium occurs naturally in the
atmosphere. It tends to concentrate at certain points such as government agencies,
large corporations and universities and can usually be found in the newest, best
appointed and best maintained buildings.
Scientists point out that Administratium is known to be toxic at any detectable level
of concentration and can easily destroy any productive reaction where it is allowed to
accumulate. Attempts are being made to determine how Administratium can be
controlled to prevent irreversible damage, but results to date are not promising.